Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
