if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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