So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
