Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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