Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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