I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
