Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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