Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
