3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
