I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
