I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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