can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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