The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
