You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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