I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I accidentally burped into my bong.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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