you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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