Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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