My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
