Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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