Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
