Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
