Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
