I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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