Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
