you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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