I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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