i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
