Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
