I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
