im six kinds of drunk right now
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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