Welp...herpes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
