Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So much rum. So many feels.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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