pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Randomize
