To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
