My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
