so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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