I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
