You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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