I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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