Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
