Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
