She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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