I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
