Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish i was in the wii world.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
