You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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