Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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