I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize