I look better un-naked...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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