i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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