God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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