Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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