currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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