question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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