id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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