I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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