Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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