My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
