His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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