i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
