i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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