i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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