Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
