I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
