I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
