her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize