I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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